Automatic Writing: a Dance With The Universe

Something I wrote in my last blog post “What Is Creativity?” sparked a memory for me, which in turn ignited the topic of this chat. In mulling over the spiritual aspect of the creative process in my previous post, I wrote that creativity is: “not only our conversation with God, but it’s our playtime with the Universe too (I’m using “God” and “Universe” interchangeably). It’s our talk with God, but also our walk with God. Our dance with God. It’s our inner child dancing around with our higher self.”

The memory didn’t occur to me in the moment of writing the above, but after going back and reading this recently, I remembered something, and it’s sent me on my metaphorical mulling morning jog. As with most things in life, hindsight is 20/20. Well, in this case that’s even literally true, as I’m thinking back to the Spring of 2020. Looking back on this particular moment, I see even more now just how imperative and valuable the message I received was at that time. But first, a little context…

Of course, 2020 has a collective connotation for all of us. But besides that, I have a love/hate association with 2020 on a personal level. I didn’t really know it at the time (well, actually I guess I did on some level because don’t we always?), but I was going through a dark night of the soul. A period of utter spiritual desolation where I journeyed to the darkest parts of myself in order to deconstruct and reunite with the light and my truest self within. The agonizing shedding of old skin in order to welcome the emancipating process of emerging from a confining cocoon. A brutal death, painful yet liberating unfolding, and glorious rebirth. You know, the ushe.

Anyhoo, the gateway into this ugly and beautiful pilgrimage of shadow work for me was journaling. I knew my heart was in need of some healing and I kept hearing about the powerful advantages of keeping a gratitude journal. It’s one of those things that I kept thinking, I really ought to do that, but then continued not doing it. Finally, one night after listening to a podcast and hearing the guest speak about the incredible benefits she experienced through journaling, I figured, all right, what the hell? I’ll give it a shot!

It’s not like I had never journaled before. But I only wrote sporadically. I didn’t keep a disciplined journaling routine, and I hadn’t tried the particular format this podcast guest spoke about, which was: every morning spend at least 10 minutes writing a gratitude list, followed by at least 20 minutes of free-writing. This soon became my morning practice for about six months straight.

I found it very therapeutic and every day was different. Some days I struggled with finding things to write about, but I stuck to the minimum time suggestion anyway. Other (most) days I wrote so much that my hand hurt. I would spend hours writing. I’d look up and realize it was mid-afternoon and I was still sitting in my PJs writing and I couldn’t stop! At first, somehow typing it out on my laptop seemed impersonal, so I stuck to pen and paper. But eventually, I had to switch to typing because my poor hand was like, “Okay lady, I quit.”

What ended up happening a lot was things would come up while journaling, causing my curious self to think: huh, I wonder what that’s about. And so I would finish up writing, and go right into a meditation for further exploration. Oftentimes, I would get glimpses of clarity and insights during these journaling-to-meditating trips. Sometimes the insights would be like lightning fast little fairies, teasing me with their trickster energy that I could only catch flashes of them from the corner of my eye, and then they were gone. Other times, I’d receive very clear and sometimes massive answers to my questions, like a booming and authoritative response from the higher ups. And some other times, maybe I’d only gain more questions on top of the questions I already had. Like God boomeranging my inquires back to myself, urging me to go within for what I sought. That’s the hushed beauty of meditation after all. But perhaps I wasn’t quite ready to hear some answers just yet.

In any case, a trusted source usually spoke to me in some way or other, and I would end up coming out of the meditation desperately wanting to write everything down—to report my findings so that I wouldn’t be leaving my journal entry incomplete. So then it became this cycle of journal-meditate-journal. And sometimes it went on for quite a while. (Aw my poor little hand. Sowry). Oh my God, maybe I should have just voice recorded everything… HINDSIGHT!!

Well, I’m actually not all that serious about the voice recording idea. Although I use that function for recording random ideas and thoughts, especially for songs, writing was a no-brainer for me personally when it came to my journaling medium. There’s something special and sacred to me about writing, whether it’s with a pen or tapping on computer keys. Speaking can be powerful of course, but there is an element of magic in writing that I’ve always loved dearly. It should go without saying, if speaking/recording your journal entries is your thing, by all means, honor that! Let your magic be your magic at all costs.

The more I blended journaling with intermittent meditation, the deeper I connected with parts of me that were bigger than myself. There would be many times that I’d write like the wind, but I’d find that my mind would be somewhere else (I wonder where it went… I guess I literally lost my mind in those moments!), almost as if I had been hypnotized into a trance, but my hand kept moving, pen pouring words onto paper. I’d be journaling, business as usual, and then suddenly I’d feel my mind step aside and make space for the Universe to come through. It’s like I wasn’t in control anymore. God took the pen and was like, “Ahem, I have something to say Dear Heart, hold that thought.” And so I’d let Him have the floor, obviously. Not that this was a totally conscious process while in the process, but I could feel when the Infinite was coming through as opposed to little old me just writing my little old thoughts down. In dear hindsight here, I think it was really beneficial and important to balance journaling with meditation, as it brought me back down to earth, so to speak, after experiencing any kind of altered state—harmonizing body and mind with breath.

I had heard of “automatic writing” before, and I suppose I’d always known that it’s a huge part of the creative process (again, feel free to read my last post where I mull this process over). But I had always experienced this type of sensation (co-creating with the Divine and/or my higher self) while writing songs or poems, etc. You know, forms of artistic expression. But automatic writing while journaling was a new thing for me. So even though that’s part of what the creative process is, which I’ve experienced for many years through my art, I’m kind of a newbie at exploring this topic.

I just looked it up now. Wikipedia says: “Automatic writing, also called psychography, is a claimed psychic ability allowing a person to produce written words without consciously writing.” Britannica says that automatic writing is: “in spiritualism, writing produced involuntarily when the subject’s attention is ostensibly directed elsewhere. The phenomenon may occur when the subject is in an alert waking state or in a hypnotic trance.” (By the way, as a side note, how cool would it be if you could major in automatic writing in school to hone your skills at it and move forward in a career of publishing books and teaching courses that are literal downloads from the Universe!!)

Tangent alert: Huh... Referring back to my post on “What Is Creativity?” can we explain creativity as a straightforward psychic ability? Maybe the more we tap into the phenomenon of creativity, the more logical part of our brain bows out, allowing ourselves to open up and surrender to stronger psychic faculties that we all possess but fall short of cultivating without proper practice. So, referring back to my previous article again, instead of an interviewer asking, “When did you start writing songs?” the parallel question really becomes, “When did you start tapping into your innate psychic abilities?” Ha! Seriously though, it’s a cool perspective, isn’t it? I’ll have to jam more on this another time…

Back to the pre-tangent matter at hand: The captivating thing (apart from the actual activity of psychography) that I relish is the post-flow state when I reread the words I just (apparently) wrote. It’s quite perplexing and exciting to experience this. I’ve felt this same kind of bewilderment during the songwriting process and writing poems (see my story-poem—what I now refer to as a stoem—“The Emerging”). It’s like, I’ll feel the download is done and my brain will take the driver’s seat again, saying, “Okay, let’s have a look-see. What have we got here? Huh… Really? You don’t say… Oh how interesting. Get out of here!” I mean, it’s not like I completely check out. I’m still aware of what I’m writing in these trancelike moments. I’m awake and alert, but I kind of get out of my own way. Oh well, I guess I’ll leave the descriptions to Wikipedia.

Returning to the beginning of this post, I mentioned how writing about creativity as a dance with the Universe triggered a memory for me. I remembered a journal entry I wrote back in April of 2020 where I was scribbling away one morning, when suddenly I felt the shift. Automatic writing was in full swing and I stood back to let it flow. I remember my hand was already so sore from all the writing I did before the flow took over, but I powered through till the end because it was a particularly insistent message.

When I (the Universe?) was done, I turned back the pages and read what had been reported. The magnitude of the passage touched my soul on a deep level and I instantly felt an emotional response. It was all about dancing with the Universe.

Though I usually kept the contents of my journal private, it was such a strong message and experience that I had to tell someone. I ended up sharing it with someone close to me and we talked about it a little and how cool it was. I reached the end of that notebook, so I put it away in my closet with the rest of them. The message from the Universe has been tucked away ever since.

But I believe this memory was brought to my attention for a reason. I think I’m meant to share it with more than just one person. It affected me so strongly that who’s to say it won’t provide the same healing power for someone else? This is part of alchemy after all. Taking the messy stuff and, with help from the Divine and inner wisdom, transmuting it into something beautiful. Turning the mess into medicine and in doing so, finding deep gratitude for the mess that brought you to the meaning in the first place. What an amazing opportunity I have to share a truth with others that was given to me by the stars.

My favorite live album - Fleetwood Mac’s The Dance

And I want to say, if you’re reading this and going through your own dark night of the soul, be gentle with yourself and take it from me, it gets better. A LOT better, in fact! Hang in there and don’t stop because, in the wise words of Fleetwood Mac, “Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don’t stop, it'll soon be here. It’ll be here better than before. Yesterday’s gone, yesterday's gone.” (WAIT! I just realized this song fit the context, but it was dominant in my mind because I just listened to it last night on vinyl for the first time…on a little album called THE DANCE!!!) The synchronicity kills me! The Universe is a funny, loving, playful, knowing, witty thing… See? You don’t have to just take it from me, or even from the Mac. You can take it from the clever and mighty Universe Herself!

Although I presently have a morning meditation ritual, I haven’t regularly journaled in a few months. I’ll indulge in an occasional journal spout now and then, but nothing too hand-hurting. I think the journal routine I had last year served its healing purpose for what I needed at that time and if I ever need it again, I know I can return to it.

Since receiving this specific memory of automatic writing during journaling, I’ve been resisting the physical act of retrieving my 2020 journals from the back of my closet to search for this particular entry. Who wants to reread journals from one of the darkest periods of their life (yuck!)? But I was able to muster up the courage (with one eye closed) to flip through my notebooks in pursuit of this beloved message from the Universe. And to be honest, I am so grateful to be able to read it again as a reminder to myself! (Funnily enough, it turns out this was the last handwritten entry I made before switching over to typing). I’ve copied it verbatim from my written journal, unedited, below. If you’ve come across this blog post, maybe there’s a message in it that’s meant for you. Take whatever you need from it, and know that it’s sent with big love.

~~

As within, so without.

Stay strong—wash away your burdens.

Balance:

Gentle strength

Tender power

Yin Yang

Masculine/Feminine

Intuition/Action

—> Take inspired action—a union.

Lead with a step, follow the next one. Lead, follow, lead, follow. Holy unity.

Dance with the Universe.

Flow, don’t force.

Drift, or be drowned.

Be confident, but not stubborn.

Be open, but don’t let anything destroy your peace. Take what resonates, leave the rest.

Explore to discover new truths.

Listen with an open heart.

Use your voice confidently at the right time. You will know when.

It will rise to the surface.

Trust it, just like you trust the Sun rising every morning.

The secret is in the dance. The dance with the Universe—lead then follow, follow then lead.

Many think in a dance one is always leading and the other always follows. If the Universe is always leading, you will only drift without doing your part, without holding up your end of the bargain—you will always be waiting for a miracle instead of creating one. You will be settling. If you are always listening, but never speaking, you will be lost. You are receiving the answers without taking the actions on them. You are asking questions to no end.

Now if you are always leading, you will only be forcing and not flowing. You are not trusting the Universe to hold its own—to work the magic it’s meant to conjure. You will be pushing and pulling, literally stepping on its toes, only to trip yourself up in the process. You are speaking without listening. You are planning without allowing. You are desperately trying to control the uncontrollable, or making what’s meant to stay in motion stand still, or something permanent from something temporary—like caging a bird.

The secret in the dance is taking turns. “Tag, you’re it.” Take a step, the next one will appear. Resist the fear of leading. Be confident in the knowing inside your heart. Hear it and trust it. Don’t resist the direction Spirit is guiding you when it’s your time to follow. Be confident in the ancient knowing of the Universe. Don’t force its step. You will both fall. Trust. Give and receive, receive and give. Like lovers, become one in the sacredness of the dance. Hold on to each other, but not too tightly. Let each other breathe. Hold, don’t clutch. Touch, don’t clench. When it is time to twirl, let go. Let go to then come back together. When it is time to dip, lay back. Trust the hands will be there to support you. When it is time to lift, jump up. Take a leap of faith. Do not hesitate. Do not resist.

Lose yourself to find yourself.

Close your eyes to see.

Open your heart to feel the rhythm.

The music is inside. As within, so without. Let the music play, and dance, dance, dance!

Doesn’t it feel good?!

Isn’t it fun?!

Lean your head back and laugh.

Laugh with the depth of joy.

Surrender to it!

Dance the night away— (haha) <3